Women have been fighting a particular assumption at work for a long time…that motherhood changes what we’re capable of. She has kids now, so she probably doesn’t want to travel. She won’t want that assignment. She needs more flexibility. Most of the time, nobody asks her. They decide for her. I watched it happen to others, experienced it happen to me when my son was first born, and sadly, made some of the same assumptions when I became a manager.
Now, understanding much more about perimenopause and how women are experiencing it at work, I’m starting to notice that we’re about to do it again – this time at 45 instead of 30.
Something good is happening right now. Perimenopause and menopause are finally being talked about openly. Women are creating peri clubs at work. Employers are creating programs and states are considering workplace protections. Washington’s governor has directed the state Women’s Commission to strengthen menopause accommodations across state agencies and to develop guidance for employers. Rhode Island’s 2025 law was the first state statute to require reasonable workplace accommodations for menopause. That’s progress, and it’s long overdue.
But there’s another side of this – the side where awareness turns into expectation. Let me explain. A hiring manager looks at a 46-year-old woman. Maybe they see an experienced leader with 20 years of expertise, great judgment and readiness for something bigger. Or maybe some of them start thinking: menopause, accommodations, possible leave, maybe she’ll step back, maybe someone younger is easier.
It’s back to the “problematic to hire” discussion. Which also is turning into the “problematic to keep” discussion. Ask yourself how many women you’ve noticed leave the workplace in the last two years. Then think about their age. Yes, layoffs are happening left and right, but there’s still a trend and in many cases, especially in the tech world, mid-life women are most impacted. In fact, research conducted by Eightfold AI found that women in tech were 65 percent more likely to be laid off than men.
We can create support meant to keep women in the workforce and accidentally strengthen the stereotype that makes employers less willing to invest in them. That would be a terrible unintended consequence.
Midlife women aren’t a fragile workforce. They’re an experienced one. A 2026 systematic review of qualitative studies describes menopause as often coinciding with a period of career consolidation or advancement, and it also finds that the transition can challenge women’s self-trust and destabilize their professional identity.
That distinction matters. A woman can temporarily feel less capable without being less capable. She can have brain fog and still have 25 years of judgment. She can take leave and keep her leadership path, or ask for flexibility and still want the CEO job. All of that can be true at once, but only if the workplace lets it be.
The motherhood penalty has something to teach us here. Don’t assume. Don’t quietly redirect someone’s career because you think you’re helping. Don’t take the travel assignment away without asking, stop mentioning the promotion, pull her off the succession slate, or decide what she wants her next five years to look like. Ask her.
That’s one reason ASK sits in the middle of the Spark Framework. See what’s happening. Pause before you decide what it means. Ask instead of assuming. Respond with support. And keep possibility open.
So yes, let’s talk about menopause. Let’s provide accommodations, make leave available when it’s needed, educate managers and make it easier to ask for help. But please don’t turn support into a scarlet letter. We spent decades trying to take apart the assumption that motherhood determines a woman’s ambition. Let’s not replace it with a new assumption at midlife.
